my journal

so starting with this, right now, i don't have anything to say. the electricity is cut, i've got no internet connection, no games on my mac, and i'm not interested in reading books either. the one i've been reading is a bit complicated. needs the internet to understand what the author is actually trying to say.

while writing this, there's this little sound in my head saying just write about your life. recently, i've been meeting a lot of people who talk about their careers and what they want to do.

i met this random girl not long ago. super energetic, full of enthusiasm. when i talked to her, oh my god, the energy she had. always ready to try something and that made me question myself, what am i going to do in the next 5 years?

this same question has come up in many interviews too. "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" and every time, i go speechless. not because i don't know how to say it, but because i genuinely don't know what i'm going to do in the next 5 years.

let me take you back a little

i studied science in school, biology student. had a deep interest in human anatomy, metabolism, nutrition, and physiology. i even tried preparing for medical exams for a year. then i realised, it takes a lot of energy to memorize everything. those chemical structures, botany stuff, and i've never been good at physics or math. so i dropped the medical idea and joined a random college in my city, doing B.Sc. with botany as my main subject. oh man.

after 12th, i really wanted to make money. during covid, i started exploring how to earn as a student. that's when i found out about software engineering. it sounded cool. i explored a bit, got a basic second-hand laptop, and started learning HTML, CSS, and JavaScript from codewithharry.

it's been almost a year now and i'm deep into coding, design, and honestly still curious about human biology too.

but yeah, the question is still the same. what am i going to do in the next 5 years?

i don't really think much about this stuff. as of now, i don't have anything solid in hand and honestly, i don't know.

lately, i've been hating myself a little because the person i had committed to becoming and the person i am now feels totally different. i thought it was just skill-wise, but now i'm slowly observing other parts of life too.

but even with all this, i really love what i'm doing right now.

writing a lot of prompts, tweaking them a bit. learning more about design. reading here and there. playing chess for fun. and obviously, my first love, cricket. always wanted to bat like kohli. sometimes i actually play like him. and not gonna lie, sometimes i actually play like him. at least in my colony. i play the cover drives, the aggression, the calmness.

until then,

siddharth